It’s been nearly six months since Naomi Judd died by suicide at age 76, and daughter Wynonna Judd recently sat down with People to reflect on grief and how she plans to move forward without her mother.
“I feel joy and sorrow. I’m walking in paradox. I’m literally a walking contradiction. I feel joy. I feel pain. I feel light. I feel dark.”
One day before she was scheduled to be inducted in the Country Music Hall of Fame alongside her daughter Wynonna as part of The Judds, Naomi Judd died by suicide.
“Today we sisters experienced a tragedy. We lost our beautiful mother to the disease of mental illness,” Wynonna and her sister Ashley Judd said in a statement at the time. “We are shattered. We are navigating profound grief and know that as we loved her, she was loved by her public. We are in unknown territory.”
While Ashley was the first to speak publicly following their mother’s death, Wynonna took her time to grieve before making any public statement.
“I DO know, that the pain of losing Mom on 4/30 to suicide is so great, that I often feel like I’m not ever going to be able to fully accept and surrender to the truth that she left the way she did,” Wynonna wrote on Instagram.
When Wynonna and Naomi reunited as The Judds on TV at the CMT Music Awards in early April, they announced they would embark on a final farewell tour beginning in late September.
However, following Naomi’s death, Wynonna was unsure how she would be able to proceed.
During a televised special for Naomi, Wynonna announced she would go forward with the tour to honor her mother.
So, I made a decision and I thought I’d share it on national television. That after a lot of thought, I’m going to have to honor her and do this tour. I’m just going to have to,” she said. “Because that’s what you would want, and Bono once told me give them what they want, not what you want.”
The 11-date tour will be anything but easy for the country singer.
“When you lose someone you love, it’s like, ‘Holy crap, this is really happening. Is this really happening?’ Your brain goes, ‘No, this isn’t really happening,'” she told People. “Then you go home and I realize, yeah, my mom’s not here anymore.”
There are still many times that she catches herself talking on the phone and then 10 minutes later she’s okay again.
“I’m making a dinner and I’m talking to my husband about our date night. Then my granddaughter comes and I cry some more. I cry a lot. That’s okay… It doesn’t mean it’s a sign of weakness.”
She hopes that performing solo – she will be joined throughout the tour by special guests – will help her healing process.
“This is my opportunity to step into a situation that I don’t know that I am ready to do what I’m about to do, but I think it’s going to heal me,” she said. “I’m teaching what I want to learn, which is how to have peace and joy in a really negative [space]. I want people to know that they’re loved. I want people to know that there is hope.”
My heart continues to break for Wynonna and Ashley. I think it is incredibly brave for Wynonna to continue with the tour. I do hope it provides some healing for her.
